Simply Joy

I think this fear of nature, fear of anything that is not self, even fear of each other is violence in its purest form.  We are shredded from our connections and left bereft, floating alone in what should be a deep, rich, loving, inviting, warm and gooey experience.  Life should be so much fun, but instead I feel like that infant crying alone, wishing someone would come to me and pick me up, soothe me and tell me it will be all right.  But we are controllable when we are alone and afraid.  We are powerful when we are connected and beloved.  So it benefits those in power to have a sad, timid population.  We will change the world when we shine from our hearts and connect with each other - no shame, no fear, simply joy!

When you are having a hard time putting words and thoughts together - release them, follow them.  See where they go and try to put words on it later...

In my dream, I had the strongest impression/understanding that I was wrestling with myself.  The man's smug nastiness is something I hate in myself, although I don't really feel that or express that any more.  And like the man in the dream/TV show, I keep my distance. I don't know if I was calming sexual fear as much as reassuring him/myself of adult status.

I am solving something, and accepting myself.  I'm not sure what yet, but I'm healing!

I have had a few male friends, who were truly friends.  Once I got married, though, that was against the rules my ex made and I ended up obeying.  He said he knew he could trust me, but he couldn't trust other men, and so I had to keep my distance.

My male friends taught me a lot about the way they thought and behaved.  One in particular felt like he had to make a move.  I suggested that if we got romantic, we would lose our friendship.  We decided our friendship was more important, and so we spent a lot of time together.  My other really close guy friend was gay.  That made everything easy!

I tried to open the letter you attached, and there's something blocking me.  I will try again.

I am tired today...maybe it's the change in weather.

Tomorrow, little sister...Love to you!

C.