Pouring out the pain for all to see...

I saw an amazing video. A young singer named Jillian Jensen appeared on a show called the X Factor, which I assume is a version of a talent show.  She talked openly about the pain of being bullied, and she cried while she spoke.  She cried while she was performing.  This young woman stood up and showed her heart, and everyone in the audience stood up and said, "Me, too.  You are enough."  The audience was crying.  The judges were crying.  I was crying watching her. Her outpouring was from her heart and it touched us all.  This is what we must all do.

http://www.godvine.com/Severely-Bullied-Girl-Chokes-Up-Simon-Cowell-A-Must-See-2073.html#.UFN87X83DwY.

And I had a fantasy of standing before Dad, or just family, and saying, "This is how it hurt."  and crying together.  I knew that would mean I would have to stand and listen to you and my other sibs, who I love but who I do not know, and recognize your pain and accept that I helped inflict that on you.  We have so many tears inside.

Clarissa talks about the cleansing power of tears in Women Who Run With Wolves.

Okay, so we work in trinities.  Probably because we are based in threes, the third chakra is our root.  And because triangles are so stable.  We are maiden - mother - crone.  I think we are hero- father - sage.  I am beginning to think we do need to name positive trinities we cycle through regularly.  It seems easier to recognize and name the negative ones.   I liked yours, and so I have been trying to think of more positive aspects, and I came to:  I minister to you (the healthy rescuer) - you minister to me/I accept your loving ministrations (healthy form of victim) - and maybe - we have a period of mutual health (no perpetrator necessary).  Or maybe:  I give/you receive - you give/I receive - we are in balance/we share with others/the world?  I can also see these cycles, but not as clearly.  If there's no drama, what do we have?  Children from alcoholic homes are lost!

We need positive ways to interact, to find our balance.  I don't want to be the perpetrator in order to engage your attention.  I just want to sing together, to join our voices and be beautiful!

I love covalence.  We need to coin that!

Why do I isolate myself?  I never considered that.  I think I am a bother and nobody really likes me.  If I stay by myself in the corner, then there's no chance of annoying anyone, and I never have to prove that I'm really not likeable or loveable. 

Rugged independence...I would have thought of Teddy Roosevelt.  In our independence, we all have to take care of ourselves - we can not receive any ministerings.  We must have our own home, our own car, our own possessions and we can't weaken anyone else by allowing them to share.  I always wanted to live in intentional community with shared possessions as well as private belongings.  But I don't really want to lose control of my life and my stuff.  My stuff has seemed different lately.

Not sure where this is going, but maybe I am off to someplace new...

Love you,

Until tomorrow,

Clare