Disturbing images

I have spent the past day and a half moving daughter #2 into an apartment. It was planned, but originally it was scheduled for next weekend, on Thursday we found out that we could move in this weekend. So, all of the pieces fell into place and we moved. 
She was elated and frustrated throughout the morning.
Transitions are difficult for her, even more so than the average person.
She was complaining loudly and caustically about the lack of cooperation she was getting...
all the while we and her brothers were carrying dressers, couches, boxes, etc up three flights of steps.

She has to diffuse her anxiety somewhere and we were her safe place.
I told her directly that we were helping her and that she had no right to be abusive and speak to us in that way. Her frustrations and anxiety were not really about us...so please don't direct them at us.
She angrily walked away and then returned more calm and collected than she had been before.

I think that most humans do this...
take out their anger and frustration in a safe place...
at least in a place and directed towards people who will not stand up to our rants and potentially hurt us in retaliation.

This morning, while I was meditating I had an image in my mind of a ranting male "disciplining" a young boy...yelling, hitting, shoving, hurting.
I could feel the rage of the man...and I could feel the fear and confusion of the boy...
both energies simultaneously.
That image was followed by a wave of overwhelming compassion for first the young boy who was the target of this man's rage...he had no idea where all of this negative energy had come from...
and also for the adult male hurting this child...
I could feel the anger, bitterness, confusion and chaos of that man's soul.
Somehow my mind jumped back to that man being abused when he was a child...
afraid but unable to defend himself...
ultimately storing that negative energy as hatred and self loathing...
that same energy that, years later, was directed onto that unsuspecting boy.

But what about the hatred, anger and confusion of that boy?
Where will it be directed and at what point in his life will he expel that energy?
Will he explode or implode?

We have seen first hand the damage that occurs from family violence. It has manifest in several ways within our family.

I spent years trying to hide it, bury it...
only to have the energy escape as a need to control...
and the inability to relax and have fun...
to stay busy and positively productive...to prove my worthiness...
with body image issues...I have had episodes of bulimic activity throughout my life...
with depression.

Other avenues that have been used are;
prejudices...
drug abuse...
alcohol abuse...
overeating...
settling for any relationship...even preferring the ones that put us back into the uncomfortable familiar abusive, addicted situations...
and the ultimate self-hatred...suicide.

So one generation inherits the confusion, self-loathing, and self-harming patterns.
When does it end?

It ends with the finding of our voice...
with finding our courage...
by saying Me Too...
and NEVER AGAIN.

The Gospel of Thomas...one of the Gnostic Gospels says,
Logion 70
Yeshua said:
When you bring forth that within you,
then that will save you.
If you do not,
then that will kill you.

What is "that"?
Love?
Truth?
Gnosis?
Inner Wisdom?
Self- knowledge?
or is that the secrets that haunt you from the past???

I miss you Clare...
I hope that you have a safe and insightful trip home.
-Maggie