peace

I am so blessed...
a little girl is holding me in her heart…
that makes me smile.

We had a breakthrough today…
at least a little one.
My young man has been sneaking, sulking and passive aggressive for the past two weeks.
I finally had it two days ago and asked…
or demanded to know what was up…
he avoided…
shut down…
I'd made things worse.
I told him, when he's ready I will listen…
but he needs to initiate the conversation because my talking at him wasn't working.
Today he told me that he knows that husband and I consider him bad and expect him to make poor choices…
that's what everyone expects.
LIGHT BULB…
I assured him that we see great potential…
we wouldn't waste our time or energy on a lost cause.
I explained that he was projecting his past experiences onto us and that we needed to be given a chance.
We talked about "us" and "them" and how his present "us" is him alone…
I suggested he let our family become his "us" and then he'll have a more solid base to grow from.
It's scary as hell to trust.

I communicated with S#5 today. I guess Papa D. has 2 options for intervention…
he can make other choices though.
I sent her an article about immunotherapy specifically for bladder cancer…
perhaps he has more choices than have been suggested so far.
I do think they are overwhelmed by the news.
This is going to sound cold…
forgive me…
At what point in a life do you choose death or natural consequences and be socially acceptable?
When have we lived enough to let go and accept fate?
My 92 year old Friend/friend welcomes death…is waiting for it.
At 85 are we still obligated to fight as hard as possible…
exhaust all means, our resources, and our bodies?
When is it acceptable to say I have lived long enough and am ready to leave this realm and enter the other?
At 52 I wasn't ready for that…
thank God it was a brief reality for me.
I truly wonder what I would do?
I wonder what he will do?
It makes me truly sad that they have to journey through this…
but maybe they'll find peace together.

Life is always surprising.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie