more birthing

Hi Sister,

It is strange and amazing, but I was having the same stream of thoughts as you.  I was thinking about birthing, and how the first time out, we have no idea what it is going to be like. I mean, we have average statistics. We have other mama's stories.  But actually going through giving birth, it is a mystery until we have borne the experience, the new self.

Dying seems like that.

Then I thought about a medicalized birth, a birth that is stolen from a women, and made an institutionalized experience. 

Dying has also become like that.

I wondered how many people are afraid. I wondered how many people fight it. I wonder how many people know when it is time and...birth.

There are so many people dying at home in the midst of loved ones now. I sat with my late grandmother-in-law as she was sliding home, as she was back and forth between here and there, as she had moments of both here and there.And it felt mysterious, and, I don't know, other-worldly, but it did not seem frightening, much less terrifying.

I think the hardest part is leaving those of us here behind for awhile - breaking that cord from heart to heart.

I wondered if people who love the strongest slip the cord the easiest, or if it causes more, deeper, pain.

I also thought about something we wrote here - you and Dad must have a strong bond, a huge trust, in order to be able to slay each other in various life times.  He will lose this shell of pain and embarrassment and anger and distance, and he will become that person again.

And then...finally...one last thought....can I...can we...can anyone become that person without having to shed our current persona?  Can I just be nonjudgmental love?

Can I accept nonjudgmental love?

Just read that Bernie is asking his supporters to back Hillary. I started to cry. I think I am crying for our future.  Instead of becoming like Uruguay or Canada, we are going to remain being led by a violent, war-mongering empire building group of entitled, rich, white people.

With your foster son - two steps forward, one step back.. You are birthing a new family.  How is his younger brother?

It is hot, summer hot, up here...hope you are enjoying it!

Love and hugs from Clare