labor and delivery

Clare,

Ice cream in the backseat of the station wagon…
Papa slams the brakes and our faces smooth into them…
That's the same memory.
Why do you feel like we became family as soon as you vacated?
It wasn't any better.
We were taken out to dinner…
in pairs…
once a year.
The only time I remember it happening was to the Legion post for dinner.

My dog died.
I stayed with her through the night on Saturday…
labored breathing and restlessness.
On Sunday I took her to the emergency animal hospital.
They found a liver full of tumor and blood in her abdominal cavity. They explained it was only a matter of time. I chose to take her home to be with family in the home she had always known. We sat with her. Sunday night her breathing rate rose to 130+ and I increased the narcotic dose. She was more comfortable…but never rested. Monday all of the kids spent time with her, except daughter #2 whose boyfriend is in the hospital for pneumonia. We cried and laughed…telling doggie stories. My friend was planning on coming in the early evening to euthanize her. She chose to leave her body before that occurred. About 4 pm she slowed her breathing, arched her back, and let out a long, releasing sigh. Then she was quiet.
She was so silent…
it was so peaceful after all her work to live.
My oldest and i were at her side.
Husband was on a walk...
he generally peaces out when someone is close to death.
I had been flowing reiki over her…
at the moment of her exhale I felt her spirit rise out of her.
It was so profound that I wailed spontaneously…
like the vocal release at childbirth…
I wailed and then sobbed…
cradled in my oldest's arms.
she had labored and we delivered her back to the universe…
well loved and whole.
My oldest stayed at doggie's side without faltering all day Monday…
I am so proud of her.
I cannot believe how much I love this dog.
True, unconditional love.

Now I am without my companion. No one waiting at the door when I leave and return. No one laying at my side of the bed. No one following me and laying at my feet wherever I am, whatever I'm doing. No one who puts me before all of their own needs. That dog laid with me for days after my cancer surgery. Family had to force her to come down to eat and go outside to pee. I thought of that while I was laying at her side on Saturday and Sunday nights- my opportunity to offer her the same kindness. I was so blessed to have this soul for 12 years.

I am crying again.
I have to get to an appointment.
I will check in again tomorrow.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie