not the final step

Clare,

Just for clarification…
my wedding gown was designed to be off the shoulder…
I don't think it slipped down…
maybe after a few drinks and dancing it was slipping off.

Husband and I hiked around waterfalls in the early afternoon and then explored a nearby town with great shops and restaurants. It was a good day. Except one thing…

My big dog was very ill. I felt very guilty leaving her at home without me…
she is very attached.
She had someone home most of the day…
but I worried about her.
She had labored breathing through the night…
she also had a lot of abdominal distention.
I flowed reiki over her for a long time. She was still uncomfortable.
I sat with her until about 1:30 or so and then got into bed when she seemed to be asleep.
I woke up and she was much the same…
My vet didn't answer…
I called my Friend from Meeting…
She asked appropriate questions and warned me it sounded like a cancer that is common in her breed that affects the liver and/or spleen, and oozes blood into the abdomen.
I took her to the emergency vet an hour away. We stayed about 4 hours.
She does indeed have the tumor throughout her liver- all lobes are involved. There is no chance of resection or survival. At 12 she wouldn't tolerate chemotherapy. So I brought her home to die. My kids are coming tomorrow to spend time with her.
I've never had a dog from puppy to death before.
I've never had 'my dog' before.
I truly appreciate the life she shared with me.
I have been blessed to love her.
I cannot imagine this house without her.
There will be less fur-bunnies under my furniture, but there will be such a void.
I love her so very much.
My Friend will probably come tomorrow evening or Tuesday to euthanize her at the house.
Part of me wants to let her die naturally…
but her respiratory rate is 85 - 90 and she is laboring so…
I almost hope she goes in her sleep tonight.
I may not sleep all night…
I don't know how to do this gracefully.

Tears are cleansing.
Death is the next step.
It is not the final step.

I love the memory of you playing baseball with the family. When I think of fun memories I think of several camping trips…
it sounds funny, but I remember when the raccoon stole Papa's wallet…
and when they would dig the latrine pit…
and the time we hung hammocks instead of pup tents.
That's what I remember first…
then I remember the trips to twin kiss for ice cream…
and him hitting the brakes hard making our faces smash into the cones.
It was funny…

I hope that you are having a good time with S#3 and your families. The pictures look like fun.

I will keep you posted on my dog's journey.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie