glad to be alive

Clare,

You have a lot of questions…
and I have few answers.

My youngest is calmer today. He agreed to work through this grounding to help us be more open to replacing the car. There is always something he is trying to achieve with his good behavior. I feel as if I am on the verge of being manipulated, but I may be able to help him stay on track. The replacement car comes when he is stable and showing responsible choices.
I've been gathering insights and information for 2 days…
most of the therapeutic schools are "institutionalized"…
many have the ability/authority to use solitary confinement as a punishment…
most profess to be the best for troubled teens.
The therapist is not supportive…
she asked to talk with me tomorrow.
She said that sending them away for 6+ months sends the message that they are not 'fixable'…
and inherent to that message is that they are disposable (my interpretation).
I don't want to send him, but I don't want to lose an opportunity to significantly help him…
what if this is his true window of opportunity?
What if my fear hold him back from true help and growth.
I think I'm going to ask him if he would consider going away to school…
let him be a driving force in the decision.
I'm so frustrated with myself, I should be able to handle my own kids.

We are going to the island again…
at this point all of us are going...
Husband, myself, D#1, D#2, her boyfriend/live-in, S#1, his girlfriend/live in, S#2, his friend (male) and young man.
My older son was home today…
he was trying to 'call' the bedroom upstairs with a private bath for him and his girlfriend.
daughter#2 wants that room for her and her boyfriend…
she already 'called' it...
the battle ensues.
My older daughter's boyfriend is not coming…
she is flexible about where she sleeps…
This adult children stuff gets complicated.
My older son was also told that there will be no pot in the house…
he's a bit peeved.
He doesn't get high a lot, but wants to be able to go onto the deck sometimes and smoke…
I tried to explain the battle we are waging right now…
he's seen the struggles but...
he doesn't think it is pertinent to him…
My life is so complicated.
Why can't we just live sober?

My oldest had a car accident on Sunday evening…
the car is probably totaled…
she is remarkably all right…
a few bruises and burns from the air bags…
afraid to drive…
but no permanent damage.
The other driver was also unhurt.
So now we will be buying 2 cars in the next few weeks…
life is crazy.
I'm just glad to be alive.

I spoke with S#5 yesterday. She is conflicted…
Papa and Mama went to the funeral home to plan Papa's funeral…
just to make life easier on her and the rest of us.
They've also asked her to rewrite their will…
she's becoming overwhelmed at this point.
I talked with her about saying no sometimes…
helping them to find a different solution that doesn't involve her so intimately…
give herself a break and some breathing room.
I will continue to check in and see how she's doing.

Love and Light beautiful sister…
hold all of this in the Light,
Maggie