festively festing

Hi Maggie,

I went out to the festival yesterday, and I read T-shirts.  It is a form of people-watching. It is fun to watch people, to try to analyze.  I absolutely agree with you.

We have been involved for so long, that going to festival is kind of a reunion.  It's kind of like Brigadoon.  All of these colors and people and music arise from a mundane fairground for a few days...then it all disappears.

Festival defines my summers. It is this recurring magic.

There are people I only see at the fest. I saw an old friend last night who told me I am beautiful and that she loves me.  And I smiled.

Festival is magic.

Staying serene while waiting may be the definition of staying centered in the heart chakra.  It is understanding that I don't know what will happen, but no matter what I can handle it and there is a reason.  It is understanding that everything is always okay. When I look back on my life, especially at those moments when I was most afraid, in the end, everything turned out okay.  I don't always know why I had to take certain steps, but they put me here.  And here is pretty good.

It's all lessons.  Sometimes we get so caught in the reality of the pain, we forget.  But we are here to learn - to figure out who we are, to figure out how to be, to learn. And what I've noticed is that the pressure gets tough.  We feel like we can't bear any more.  Then it eases, and everything is okay for a while.  We get a chance to breathe, and maybe even to smile.

Life is so much like birthing, I realized I often go back to the lessons I learned while laboring to understand life. And what I remember is that when you feel like you can't take any more, it means it is almost over. It is almost time to push and create something new.

I know it's hard when you are in the thick of parenting, but sometimes our balance comes over a larger period of time.  I remember never being alone, never being off call - especially since my ex was only home on weekends for about a decade.  There was rarely time for me.  After we split, which meant not even weekend breaks, it was worse.  He started taking them about twice a year...our mediated agreement was that he could have them as often as he liked...he chose twice a year...and when he would take them all at once, and I was alone in the silence, usually I would sob. It would burst out of me, and last a while.  I didn't miss the kids. I knew they were all right, but I think it was the complete removal of pressure.  It allowed all the pain and overwhelming responsibility of single parenting to well into the softened places. And I cried.  And then I cried some more.

As the kids leave, you will have time alone.  Knowing that doesn't help much with today's pressure, but when I look at the longer spanse of life, there is balance.

My neighbor is always available. If you can pop up, I'll call her and have her over.

Every single year I miss my son's girlfriend performing at the fest. Every year I think, this year...I worked Thursday and Friday...she performed twice, once Thirsday, once Friday...Next year, I guess!

Love and hugs from Clare