just barely...but still good enough

Hi Maggie,

Just wait, in good faith...what is supposed to happen will happen if we stay open...And you are ready to say Yes!

Interesting question - why do we hear the hateful, critical voices rather than the loving acceptance?

My closest friend from college made herself an Atta Girl! File.  Every time she got a good comment, great grade, a compliment of any kind - she put it in a file.  Then when she was feeling beaten down, she pulled out the file and reminded herself of the truth.

But why don't we hear the loving acceptance?  A few answers popped into my mind...

First, once we have been humiliated and shown that we aren't acceptable, we aren't enough, maybe we just can't hear the praise and love and acceptance any more.  I don't do this any more, but when I was younger, and someone said something wonderful to me, I would brush it off with the thought,  "Yeah, if you really knew how bad I am, you wouldn't think so."

I'm older and wiser now. I still brush it off, but I don't think that thought any more!  Progress!

Maybe having rejection and disgust, separation, showered down on us from those powerful enough to own us destroys our ability to love ourselves. I wonder, sometimes, if something is irrevocably broken.  I remember again, precise thoughts of a very young me, thinking it was like a rule.  Parents had to love their children. And if Dad did not love me, there had to be something terribly wrong with me.  It never, ever entered my mind that there might be something wrong with Dad.

God, I hope I did not do that to my children.  Because I think Dad was simply wrapped up in his own pain, and totally unaware of how I was interpreting everything that happened...

I had another theory why we don't hear loving kindness.  Maybe we take these deep into our heart. Maybe we treasure these moments, these memories, these words.  Maybe these are the frameworks that hold us up and keep us going and give us the strength to get up each morning. We don't hear them because we embody them. Maybe enough of these statements can allow us to build above the negative ones. 


I agree that we must love ourselves in  order to be loved.  But I think maybe we help each other along. As you love me a little more, I love myself a little more, I love you a little more which makes you love me a little more.  And maybe the courage to let someone love you, to see you, even just a little, maybe it's a good-enough first step.  Maybe I am good enough for that.


Maybe good enough comes in little tiny increments...


You asked about Ishmael.  I read it for the first time about eight years ago, followed by the Story of B. I got Ishmael from one of my kids, because they were all passing it around, reading it intently and discussing it. I know at least three of my kids devoured this book.  So, the book had already been published for at least five years before anyone I know found it. I have no idea what the initial reviews were like.

It is quiet here tonight...quiet, but toddler messy. And I have a committee meeting here tomorrow night...ahhh, life!


Love and hugs from Clare