excruciatingly good

Clare,

Thanks for the reminder…
I had not thought about that past life of taking in difficult boys.
I seem to remember my reiki healer telling me I was a harsh disciplinarian though…
appropriate for the times, but used physical discipline.
I am committed to my kids and to these young men to not resort to physical discipline.
I needed to be reminded of that life time…
thanks.

I saw my reiki healer yesterday. She tuned up mu grids and opened chakras…
my negative karma is gone…
life is good.
I do feel lighter.
I feel optimistic and positive about life.
She asked if anyone had started to "invade my personal space" yet…
She told me that people are drawn in towards the positive energy…
from the loss of negative karma.
I haven't noticed it…
but feel good about the possibility.

Yesterday I had only 2 clients, both of whom I'd previously told that I was leaving.
It was a good opportunity to explore what it means to them…
and me.
I found it freeing to admit that this was very difficult for me.
In the past, when I've ended relationships…
and I've always been the 'dumper', not the 'dumped'…
part of my control issues…
I've separated myself from the emotions of loss and grief.
This time I am allowing myself to feel some of that…
not totally vulnerable, but more than ever before.
This really is a growth opportunity for me. I am understanding the real power in human connection and relationship. The sense of strength in connection is real…more real now than ever before.
The sense of loss is more real also.
Vulnerability is excruciatingly good.

Tomorrow I am attending my first Quaker Memorial service. I cannot believe I've been attending for almost 9 years and this is the first memorial device of someone I've known. I am looking forward to it. After the service we are off to NJ for husband's brother's 60 birthday party…
at an indoor go-cart track.
It should be fun…
3 of my kids and significant others are attending…
I am so going to lose every race…
But, I'll be laughing the whole time.

I'll check back in on Sunday.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie