unprocessed

It seems to be a week for understanding. You see your Heart at War...just one more addiction.  We stay there because we were  raised there.  We were siblings at war with each other and with the world.  We were raised on military bases, for god's sake! How could we not internalize it. And we had a father who warred with himself, and who served in two wars.

It is in us.

Cultivating the Heart of Love and Peace is a radical movement.  And that takes time. I actually saw a brief film of Gandhi this morning. It reminds me that we need civil disobedience to that authority within that lures us to war.  When I am at war within myself, my life is full.  I don't have to worry about anything.  I don't have to address anything. I am completely engrossed in my own inner drama.  So, now, how do we cultivate inner civil disobedience and passive resistance???

Keep talking to your sons. Let them see that we struggle and evolve and learn for our whole lives. Let them see that we are all in pain, all trying to find our way to love and acceptance, both inside and out.

I was also up a lot last night, thinking about my addiction.  I had two dreams that stay with me. One involved me turning on the hot water in a house, and it would run muddy for a few minutes before clearing.

I looked it up in a dream dictionary - to dream of muddy water means wallowing in negative emotion.  But the fact that I let it run until clear gives me hope.  I am working with my negative emotions, and releasing them  - I hope. No, I trust!

The other was about a man who I don't know, but who I look up to and dream about frequently.  We were talking, then he stepped into the forest, in Oregon, and disappeared into the trees. It was mysterious and beautiful.  Then I did the exact same thing in New York.

But, what I thought about and what was reinforced this morning when I saw the following:  I think most of what we call aging in our culture is the progression of processed food use. (Joan Iflund)

I think my triggers are processed foods and grains with high glycemic indices.  And so I understand that I have to avoid processed foods. No more crackers or chips - my favorite corn chips.  Now I am considering what else in my life is processed, therefore virtual and unreal.  I want to be real...back to being the Velveteen Rabbit...back to love, I suppose!!

Love and hugs...I'll be back tomorrow because it will be a baby-free day here!

Clare