letting nature take its course

Clare,
You've inspired me…
again.
I'm giving a presentation tonight on women's reproductive health rights…
and the ethics of all that…
and you have inspired me to include the society of rape in the presentation.
I've given this before and did not include that…
but looking at our political and social landscape, I think it has to be front and center.
I found this cartoon that says, "If it is legitimate hair loss the body has ways to try and shut the whole thing down." I believe that talking about it will help.

That story you related…about the man's ecstasy prior to being attacked is dissociation.
It's a gift…Fight, Flight, or Freeze
to be able to relinquish your body prior to the pain of death.
It's unfortunately too often used by rape and violence victims as a form of protection…
"you can't rape my mind"...
but the memories are still held within that mind...
and all too often it gets out of the person's control and they dissociate whenever they feel stressed or threatened.

I cannot find the energy or space to cry.
That sounds pathetic…
but it's true.
I want to run away at times…
this is like giving birth…
but I can't let go and let it out because the semester has one week left and I've got to focus on keeping the boys focused.
What I really need to do is surrender it and let the boys earn whatever they invest into the mid-terms.
Is that giving up?

Yesterday had some amazing moments.
I was still burdened by opening exercises on Saturday…
so I grabbed 3 books from my shelf as I left to take my son to the mountain to snowboard. I opened each book and one grabbed me. It is called Natural Grace, it's a dialogue between a theologian and a scientist…I opened to a passage about prayer…
via poisitiva- "Praise precedes faith"- experiencing awe in nature and creation
via negativa- silence, emptying self to make room for the divine
via creative- allowing your soul to tap into the creativity that flows deep with each person
via transformativa- transforming your perceptions to understand the connections- interdependence- of all of creation
the reading set off a cascade of sharing…
it was a gathered space…
I fought the leading to share one of my songs, Empty, until almost the end…
then I stood and sang the first verse and refrain…

My life is so full of so many things, where do I turn to find peace?
How do I find the time and the space to connect with my God in this place?
My spirit's tied down with ropes and with threads, keeping me from my Lord.
I pray for the strength to break free of this hold and rise gently back to home.
How do I empty myself of this world so that You can fill me up?
How do I let go of all that I am to move closer to Your plan?
Grant me the grace to break free of this world, I really long to say,
"I am the handmaid of the Lord, let it be done unto me." JBE

I haven't ever sang any of my songs spontaneously before. I haven't ever had the leading, or the courage, to share like that. It was deeply moving for me to show that vulnerable place with my community. It was a good step forward. I guess you could say that I let Nature take its course through me.

I've got to get to my cleaning up and chores.
Love and Light until tomorrow beautiful sister,
Maggie