random thoughts today

Hi Maggie,

I'm glad you are crying. I think you are releasing more layers than you can realize.  I know I do.  Crying was always so foreign, until RC. Then I cried a lot.  Now I cry easily.

That is one of the most graceful gifts our furry companions give us, though. The gift of allowing us to feel and experience our pure emotions, to be absolutely vulnerable.  I know I described my husky's death. But it stays with me. It was one of the deepest, most valuable moments of my life. He taught me a great lesson about letting go.  And about being open to letting go, to learn to release.

Keep crying, even if it feels unlike you. Be something new...

I have to say that after a year away from her abuser, I never dreamed that our niece would return to him.  I am so surprised and shocked.  What I have noticed is that when women know they should leave, but aren't ready, they don't share all of the details.  We protect our man, thereby protecting ourselves from criticism for staying.  Once a woman starts to reveal what has truly happened, she is burning bridges. Our niece burned her bridges.  She told people outside the relationship what he did to her, to their kids, to the dog.

 The mixed messages for her kids came from their mom.  Even more confusing, I think. 

Onto another thought...

I've heard before only the empathetic can create, psychopaths can only mimic or destroy...always wondered about this..

I lifted the above from someone's status. This has stayed with me all night...Do you have any thoughts?

I spent cleaning time listening to TED talks yesterday.  I listened to a man talk about finding our passion.  Not our interest or interests...but our passion.  He said if we put relationships and family support first, we are actually hiding from our passions.  As an example he made a marriage proposal...Would you marry me, I find you very interesting...

What do I love???  What am I passionate about?  I remember talking to a friend about this once.  She conjectured that we don't know what to be because what we are is not yet.

Got that?

Another way of hiding?

What am I hiding from?  I thought about the sisters past lives reading we got from your friend last year.   From what she brought forward, it seems I am analytical and in my head.  Is it my pattern not to be passionate, to be present, to be fully human?

Just wondering.

I also watched a lecture about body language. Our posture influences our hormones.  Someone who is crushed into the smallest possible posture has low testosterone and high cortisol.  It hit me that the classic bully bullies in order to bring these hormones into balance...

I was thinking about that in relationship to your upcoming support group.

S#3 just left before I started writing. I love having her here. She told me she loves coming here because I take care of her.  It is her only escape from caregiving.  I love it when she is here because she plays with me.  I don't have enough fun.

She told me you were considering coming with her.  I will tell you what I always tell her.  My back door is never locked.  She will be talking to you about a possible Valentine's Day adventure...wanna play???

That is where I am today. And I wanted to let you in on a now open secret...S#3 and I are going to enter a 5K race in June. Want to join us?

Love and hugs,

Clare