despair

 Oh Maggie,

I am so sorry you have to let go of Rusty. It is so sad to let go of the furry members of our family.  Sometimes I almost think we allow ourselves to feel more, to be more vulnerable with our animal companions.  I'm sending Light.

I am still thinking about the young boy in Syria.  I went to AFSC and subscribed to Wage Peace.  Let's see where this takes me.  If it's not enough, I'll see what QUNO needs.  Perhaps this young boy is leading me into something new.  I do hold him in the Light, I hold his whole camp in the Light, every night. Last night I tried to hold the whole Earth in the Light.

About living close, I long had a fantasy that the sisters all lived within walking distance.  That way we could support each other. If one of us was having a bad day, the kids could retreat to another one.  I missed that family support, that feeling of not being alone...My youngest son's girlfriend has a family like that, and they are powerful.

S#3 is coming here to get away. She is heartsick. Her daughter has reconciled with the man who abused her, abused their children, abused the dogs that I have here now.  I didn't sleep the night I heard.  I was worried, especially about the middle granddaughter.   But what can we do?  One more frustrating thing in life...

I work with a lot of Europeans, and one thing I noticed is a difference in the way we approach life. One day I decided it was because we descended from the family members who left home and started a new life someplace new.  They descended from the family members who stayed close to home.  So I see what you are saying.  It is a part of us. But the extent of disconnection - this is more.  And it is not healthy.  Preferring to be  alone rather than with family is sad.  And it's a symptom of how much our society has disintegrated. 

So I saw a study done with men at a university.  They were asked questions about rape.  About a  tenth of them would rape if there were no consequences.  About a third would not rape, but they would force a woman to lie still during intercourse.  They don't understand...or...they don't want to understand.

The men who would force a woman to lie still were categorized benign sexists.  They did not think a woman should change her own oil.  They were those guys who want to take care of us, shelter us, keep us clean. They want us to be feminine and demure and say no when we mean yes, so they can overpower us with their...lust or love.

But that's not rape because the girl was not walking alone at night and there was no weapon and...

I read a powerful book years ago, On Killing by Dave Grossman. Analysis showed that only a low percentage of men kill during war. The others will not kill their own species. I have a feeling that the number of men who say they would rape if their would be no repercussions might be about the same number of men who kill during war...

We are so screwed up we don't even know how to screw any more. We have forgotten that it is a participatory sport, including two very involved people who are open and vulnerable.

I feel so bad for what has become of our humanity. Sometimes I despair...will we ever recover our lost souls?

I love you, sending hugs and a shoulder to cry on if you need me!

Clare