Hi Maggie,
The reason S#3 is so heartsick is because our niece actively pursued her ex when she found out he was in another relationship. He had been telling their daughters to hide the fact that they were staying with him at another woman's house. I thought he was childish, but maybe he was protecting his new relationship. When S#3 found out he was in another relationship, she was relieved that he was moving on. Now S#3 has to admit that her daughter is not the victim this time.
But S#3 is under incredible pressure and worry. When the kids are in the house, she is their primary caregiver in addition to working more than full time. When they are out of the house, she knows the likelihood of something violent occurring is high. She never has downtime. She has commented to me that she hears Grampy coming out of her mouth sometimes. I know she took one weekend and came up here...she called and asked if I was busy and asked if she could come. She got in her car and left. Her daughter asked if she was planning to come back home. So I think we all know she is exhausted.
I quoted the seven times fact to S#3. This makes me feel so relieved that my youngest got out quickly and did not go back.
This development with our niece has really thrown our nephew. He fell into a depression last week. He seems to be coming up for air, but he is tense, expecting the worst, and afraid of being away...
I think I have had two pets put down by a vet. It was incredibly hard both times. It is painful, yet different when they have detached and left on their own. No matter what, though, when they leave it hurts. We feel so sad.
I laughed when you said you spent all day in sweats with no make up. This is my every day. I don't even have make up any more. S#3 and I were talking about a potential weekend adventure next month. I asked if I was going to have to figure out makeup, and both she and my youngest daughter volunteered to paint me.
When we were talking about this potential adventure, my youngest said she could get us an amazing discount at a really nice hotel. Then she said it would be great, because she could pick up the baby so easily. My eyes got big. S#3's eyes got big. And S#3 gently pointed out - big girls only!
My life!!
I do take the baby whenever my youngest works so I have her 5 days a week. I have been thinking about child rearing techniques, thinking about all the times I wished I could have a do-over. Maybe this is my do-over. She has begun throwing amazing tantrums, and lashing out when she doesn't get her way. I understand it is the frustration of not being able to communicate her wishes. She grabbed the dog the other night and made the dog yelp. I said "NO!" and picked her up. She hit my face. I froze. I can not hit her back - we can't teach her that only big people get to hit. I thought of the biblical "turn the other cheek" but knew that was inappropriate. I thought of time out, but recently read an article about the negative aspects of isolating a child in distress. I was really at a loss.
I held myself in the Light...and the next time she started with the tantrum and trying to hit, I wrapped her in my arms and held her close. I kissed the top of her head and talked about how hard it is to feel frustrated and to not be able to express oneself. She tensed, then relaxed and it passed.
It worked once, so we'll see what develops. But I may be on to something new.
I love you, I hope all is well,
Clare
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