coalescing

Hi Maggie,

I have been thinking about my rat-park entry.  I don't think I am very materialistic, so why rant about money??  Then I was thinking about the rescue videos I watch.  And thinking about the Cosby stories, the rape stories that are so pervasive.

It all sort of coalesced in my mind.  We live in a throw-away society.  Everything is disposable and can be tossed and replaced.  We get trendy dogs and dispose of them when we want something cuter.  We rape any woman that can be trapped, then dispose of the used goods. In some cultures the disposal includes death.

Not being paid a living wage, not being able to take time off -- I am of no value to my government or to my company.  I think that is what digs at me so often.  I am expendable. I have no worth.

No one should be treated like this, yet most of us are.

And we accept it, because as children we are taught that we are not worth anything more.  "You damned kids, it's all your fault..."

Partly I am angry at myself for internalizing and believing. Partly I am angry that those in charge get to treat the rest of us like garbage, and - so what...

And in this culture, in this economic climate, we can't complain. Because we can be replaced easily.  And so we bow our heads, accept the yoke, and remain enslaved to the system.

Today was a hard day. I thought yesterday was Friday and so today was pretty traumatic.  I am tired. I took the baby for a walk, and so she missed her nap, until about 5:00. Too late - I let her sleep for 45 minutes.  Then she was miserable.  I was not my most patient...I didn't approach Grampy state, but I was not as warm and loving as I could have been.

Tomorrow will be better...especially since tomorrow, the alarm will not go off!

So, it's time for sleep.

I love you. I miss you.

Clare