slipping

Clare,

I hope that you have a wonderful time creating with the children. I hope that you have a wonderful time with S#3. You are a home base for both S#3 and I- it's good to have that place to come to that helps to center us.

Yesterday I convinced myself that I am slipping into another depression. I'm not sure if it's a reaction to the past year, my current stress, the Tamoxifen I'm taking, or just the seasons changing with increasing darkness outside. I don't want to resume an antidepressant. I want to work on this from the inside. That means plenty of healthy food, exercise, rest, and time for myself. That's a tall order with Christmas looming one month from now.

I am worried about my older son, but there is a big difference now compared with the pre-desert walking- he talks to me. He sits down and talks which is what I need to feel reassured. It's interesting to watch my kids and their interactions. My oldest is frustrated with her brother's behaviors- spending most of his time away from the house. She wants me to "make him stay home". But forcing the time together isn't going to make it any better- he'll be miserable. She needs to invite him to stay and do something together. My sons really enjoyed each other yesterday, just goofing around. Their laughter was music to my ears.

This evening I am going to a showing of the pilot I costumed this past spring. It's a fundraiser to help promote it to the networks. I've been asked to sit on a panel for discussion about the creative process. I am having a tough time anticipating this because I found out I had cancer on the second day of shooting it. I was warned they would ask about what the filming was like and for me it was difficult. I was ordered around and was trying to process what breast cancer meant to me. This was when I only know there were 3 tumors and they were all positive for cancer. It was a scary time for me. I'm not sure how I will answer the questions if they ask me about the filming process directly.

I've got to take a shower and start waking everyone up. We all have busy days ahead.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie