illusions?

Two more days...then you'll be home.

Missing you, even if it is virtual.

I am home alone. This almost never happens. Tomorrow, I should have all 3 local grandkids, so tonight is my quiet. I decided to watch a movie, and saw a title someone mentioned a while ago.  The film was Don John, about a porn addict.  It was about our inability to make connections, an so we live in virtual reality.

It was one of those films that left me thinking in the end.  He wants "show sex", she wants a romance film.  Neither is connected to the other. The other is just a prop in life.

How many of us do this?  Use others as props so we don't have to be vulnerable and actually touch?  It is like the super-controllers from an alcoholic family - make it look good, no matter what it really is.

I talked to someone about trauma and trauma recovery last night.  He said there is a part of our brain where there is no time.  And in that part of the brain the abuse is always happening.  This correlates to my feeling that the pain is stored somewhere specific, an emotional logjam which keeps anything else from moving.  Everything is defined by that pain. He said typical therapy can not help someone who has such trauma, but that there are techniques that  can ground us in the now.  If we are in the present when trauma occurs or when we flashback, then we move it out of the timeless place.

He said he would see if he could find some resources for me.

When he talked about the timeless place where the trauma continued, I thought of you and your explanation of illusion. The trauma is in the past, it is not happening.  But it feels as if it is...illusion.

I am working tomorrow, so although I was thinking about watching another movie, it would probably be better to take a hot shower an toddle off to bed.

I hope you have a safe trip home!

Love and hugs,

Clare