roots

I understand.  But the memory is not an illusion.  The power we give to the memory is the illusion. I just felt that by dismissing the memories as figments of imagination, it made way for others to brush it under the carpet, to pretend it didn't happen and it was - not that bad - anyway.

I wonder if we can simply cut the leash and detach from our family of origin.  Do we have the faith to simply float, waiting to see where we touch down and who our new people will be?

I come back to that moment when a child knows that the only reason a wise, beloved parent would be so violent is because the child is flawed. That understanding loses memory status and become core truth.

It is all so complex, and it's different with each of us.

I have really been thinking about good, kind, decent people who do things to get in trouble. I think they are desperately trying to prove the parents right. They are not good enough.  We have to loosen the leash by seeing the humanity and frailty and imperfection of our caretakers. They were damaged people, just like we are.

I don't know...I have too many thoughts and not enough words.

But I understand what you are saying, and I agree.

I have been playing with the pillar of Light ever since the other night. I have found that I can take my self off.  It's like I'm holding a rag doll with no stuffing.  I can shake that skin out, and let myself flow and beam. I am grounded, no, I am rooted. I am rooted in both the Earth and the sky. Then after a good shake, I put the skin back on. It's like pulling on tights and a leotard.  Parts are twisted and tight, and I have to bend and twist the Light to get in.  Parts of the flow are cut off. The parts that are blocked indicate the lessons I am working on.

I need to elarn how to flow even while wearing the disguise, or maybe the uniform, of this lifetime.

I made it through another week.  I am working tomorrow morning.  Take advantage of the busy schedule, because it always slows down in January.

I am glad your son is beginning to see what happened in your family.  That is a huge step into adult thinking.

How is the dog?

Love and hugs from Clare