Happiness

Clare,

I am concerned about your son and his wife. If there is any way that I could help, please let me know.

I saw a woman today whose entire life has been a violation…
Her mom had 13 kids and didn't keep any but the last.
Foster mom physically abused her.
Foster dad sexually abused her.
foster brothers sexually abused her.
3 marriages that were violent.
She had 4 sons in her first marriage- 3 from rape.
She has been betrayed by multiple family members.
She lost a son when he was 19 years old.
She has had 2 children taken away from her in a custody ruling- mom gets 2, dad gets 2.
She has endured sibling suicide.
She has been shunned by her religious community.
And the story just kept unfolding.
I asked her why she is so resilient when those around her crumble…
she just cried, and said she wanted it to end…
she wanted to be happy for once.

I think that's all any of us want. We look for happiness in others, try to feed off that. While service is an important component of happiness, continual service that is never returned is depleting.
It sucks us dry.
It can cause depression.

I am beginning to really understand that happiness has to come from within. We can share happiness, but we do not have the power to make others happy. There is no Mima wand unfortunately. But, as you said, doing the work to find our center balance is excruciating and tedious and repetitious…and drugs, alcohol, chocolate or taking care of everyone is easier in the short term.

I remember many conversations with husband, around the time before we separated that dealt with this. He would tell me that I make him happy and he didn't want to separate, and I would reply, "No one can make you happy but yourself. I can share your happiness, but cannot make it for you." This concept is unfolding for me again this morning.

I have learned that we can only change ourself. I am responsible for my own actions, perceptions, prejudices, stereotypes, etc. So, happiness is a consequence of making choices that serve me, and do not harm others. I think this is becoming clear to me. We don't create happiness, it is a byproduct of good choices, following that inner voice, respecting dignity in ourself and others. I need to dwell with this longer. It has something to do with the masks as well, I need to put it all together.

My dog is sleeping at my feet. I slept on the couch, so she wouldn't have to do stairs, and she was quite restless. We went to sleep around 9. She was wandering at 11, 12:45, and 4. At 4 she had gotten herself stuck in a bathroom, the cone had closed the door. I just heard the cone hitting the door. I feel as if I have a baby again. She is a great dog. I don't mind helping her to recover her strength and wellbeing.
It is a privilege to care for her.

Love and Light until tomorrow,
Maggie