coffeeless

Feel like crying, a little?  The piece below made me very emotional.

http://firstdaypress.org/the-cost-of-keeping-a-secret/

I've been thinking about the truth of what happened, and of what isn't happening.

What is my secret?  That I am not loveable?  That I am broken?  I am not happening, and I am not sure what my secret is...or maybe which secret is currently blocking my way.

Something new to chew on at night.

Smiling does deliver endorphins.  Sometimes when I am having a bad day, I grimace.  I force a smile and hold it. Soon it become real, as I relax.  But we spontaneously smile when we are happy and relaxed. If I smile at you, genuinely, not the social smile that say, "I'm harmless."  but a real smile - then you are relaxed and happy in my presence. You are real, you are here.

 I am tired this week,  I drink coffee about once a month.  This morning, I made a cup. When I heard it was finished, I went to the kitchen, and my coffee was clear.  I forgot to put in the coffee, so I had a nice cup of hot water. Like I said, I'm tired this week.

I will check back tomorrow.  Love and hugs from your big sister!

C,