Rumination

The action that created the memory was real. The memory is illusion. It is illusion in that each time we revisit it we can alter it in our mind- minimizing it or catastrophizing it. Rumination is the process by which we train our reactive midbrain to fight or flee at the first hint of similar threat. I know how much I ruminate after any frustrating, frightening, or fearful incident. There is a theory that each time we recall a memory what we are truly recalling is the last time we recalled it. If that is true then the story morphs over time. I wonder if the people who have suppressed trauma- refusing to remember it- are probably those with the most faithful memories. 

The power we assign to specific traumas is real. It can be so real as to define who we are, who we will speak to, where we will travel, etc. The balance of power lies in the hands of the traumatized, because she alone can choose to forgive and be free of the trauma- not forget it- but to release the hold that the trauma has on her. I would never dismiss the effects of my early experiences in this life. But, I can choose to reclaim the energy that I put into them. 

I don't think we can totally sever ties with family- much as I would like to do that. By avoiding people we invest our energy and power into that relationship. By cutting the ties we focus our thoughts there- even if just occasionally- and we are held bound. We carry family, generations of family, in our cells, in our bodies, in our minds. Their habits and mannerisms have become incorporated into our daily habits. I would love to say that I am unique- but aspects of me are carbon copies of various ancestors, siblings, aunts and uncles. I was writing to my youngest this morning about this very subject. I expressed gratitude that he has reached out to this siblings to mend hurts and disappointments. I told him much of what I just wrote to you. I just had lunch with a friend and supervisor- we too talked about looking at past relationships, particularly in the nuclear family, for patterns that have been established and are manifesting in current relationships. We are a product of our circumstances. I think this is my lesson for today. 

Love and Light sister,
You are beautiful,
Maggie