dissociated

In a way, I think we always wear masks.  When I am at work, I am the teacher.  When I am watching the kids, I am the Mima.  I don't know - are these personas, maybe...but I let a different part of me show, and submerge the rest.   I just had the feeling/idea that perhaps as we are abused, and learn to submerge self more thoroughly - it leads to dissociative personality. Maybe we just have a mild form of the disease. All I know is that in an abusive situation, you can not be vulnerable. You can not let your true self show. It gives the attacker more ammunition, more targets.  And as they hit those targets, they can release more of their pain from those places in their soul.  Maybe, as a pair are together longer, there is less release for the attacker as the victim goes deeper into other selves.  The violence has to escalate or they each have to find another partner to learn with.

Wow, I didn't know I was there.

This morning, the baby woke up kissy and happy. All three dogs were mellow and wagging their tails. This is a little unusual for my Emily who came to us so skinny we could see every bone, and who could not make eye contact.  She was very relaxed this morning.  It was nice...

I'm not sure how much I wear my masks.  I retreat or emerge depending on the safety of the situation.  Maybe that's why I dreamed of the turtle. Maybe that's part of the lesson.

So sorry your dog and your horses aren't perfectly healthy. I hope they all thrive as much as possible for an old body!  And I hope you feel better...Next week will probably be my turn. It will be wood week, and so I will be stacking firewood, as much as I possibly can.

I would love to go to Bald Head Island again.  The dolphins are still with me.  Are you thinking 3 sister or 5 sister?

Love and hugs...(On baby duty...must run, will check back later)
Clare