who has a voice?

The amazing thing is that I really am not bruised. The slam to the ground jarred me, but then - nothing.  It was weird, and I am grateful.  But thank you for your concern.

When my kids were young, and they were off - they were interpreting things in a way I thought needed a bit of perspective - I would make up a song. Once my youngest was feeling real sorry for herself.  I started singing, "Everyone's mean to (fill in youngest daughter's name here), everyone is so mean to me..."  Then I sang the list of terrible things her siblings did to her.  Most of my kids would see the humor, and laugh at themselves, but not my baby.  She got into it, with great righteous indignation.  Almost immediately I knew I was on the wrong track with this one.  So I stopped.  She asked to sing it a few more times, and I gave her an abbreviated version...but she loved playing victim.  Maybe it is a function of being youngest.

It sounds as if your youngest is at the same starting point.  Everyone is mean to him, and he's just the victim.  I look forward to hearing the evolution the seven weeks leads him through.

My youngest can still be a little more aware of what hits her than of what she flings.  Maybe it comes from the violent family game of pass it down the line. The youngest always ends up with whatever it is. There is no one to pawn the crap off onto. Maybe that's why we fear vulnerability...feels like being the weakest link.

Often the youngest has no voice. They find other ways to be heard!

I parented like you did. I was on them to be nice, to be respectful, to make sure everyone felt safe and cherished.  In my presence they were pretty sweet and cooperative...usually. But now that they are adults, some of the stories of what they did to each other when alone are emerging and there was a strain of vicious, or hierarchy.  I was so sad when I started hearing this.  I thought I did a better job.  But it goes back to life in a violent society.  How can we avoid violence when we can't even recognize or identify it?

I have been on edge lately - waiting for something bad to happen. I hope I am just being a worry-wort.

I am uncomfortable at big parties also.But we'll have each other, and we will be the keeper of the old stories, always appropriate for birthday parties!

Tired, must sleep.

Love and hugs and smiles

Clare