Letters

Clare,
I hope that you are not too bruised from your fall. I fell on a mountain in Arizona during my hike in August. I bruised my hip and then found it even more uncomfortable to lay on the hard ground to sleep.  I hope that you are able to rest and recover.

I am excited to see you at the birthday celebration. I was really excited that all 5 sisters would be there, and then I heard its a larger celebration, and I am subdued. I hate large parties. I'm just saying that out loud- now I will be at peace.

We got letters from my youngest last night. I wrote to him, using the lyrics from one of my songs- The Quilt- which he asks me to sing every once in a while. He used to ask for it nightly. I asked him to consider the blocks he's adding to his quilt for the 49 days. He told me I'm too deep- no surprise there. Anyway, he blasted his sisters for their cruelty towards them. He told them that he was "cutting them off" and if they wanted to have a relationship it was "up to them". My oldest called me immediately after reading it, confused and offended. She doesn't see things the way he does. I've asked both daughters to carefully consider the invitation in that sentence. He offered an open invitation to them to respond and create a dialogue. It is sad that there is so much hurt in our world. I have always thought that we had a loving household. I never let my kids hurt each other physically. I stopped conversations when they became disrespectful. I thought that I had avoided these hurts for my kids. I didn't want them to carry memories of hurt at each other's hands into adulthood. And yet we are wrangling with it, despite my best efforts.

One concept that is becoming incredibly clear to me through Anasazi is that all of my best efforts to avoid pain and suffering did not work. I'm not saying that I regret protecting my kids, but my neurotic, overprotection has only swung the pendulum to the other extreme and not allowed them to develop tolerance to the stress of life.

Your line about Dad and my souls truly trusting each other to agree to such difficult lessons really has me dumbfounded. I would have never seen that aspect of it. Thank you for that insight. I got a response from Mom, for an email that I wrote explaining that I am realizing that by avoiding family, I've given my kids permission to avoid us. She actually responded in a very supportive way- I was pleasantly surprised.

Got to run to work,
Love and Light,
Maggie