conflict

I hope you are feeling better. The best hangover remedy - lots of water.   Flush your poor liver out.  How is your husband doing with his Anasazi stuff?  I know you are working on vulnerability, but it seems the universe offered him a chance last night and he said No thanks, not now...Getting emotional in public might be very freeing for him...losing control...admitting we are not in control.

Be picky about your boobs. They have to fit you.  What's wrong with being picky?  I remember I used to watch my mother-in-law be picky, even nit-picky. But she knew what she wanted and was not afraid to ask for it over and over until she got it. I'm still not sure if I completely approved.  Sometimes I was silently critical, but I didn't say anything, I just watched.  That might be my very enculturated little girl trying to be nice...wanting everyone to be nice.

I was supposed to have a committee meeting here tonight.  One of the members forgot, and so the two other of us had a chance to sit and talk. We talked a little about violence and conflict.  She saw a quote that said something to the effect that conflict was two ideas trying to occupy the same place at the same time.  I liked that. Then I started thinking about my reactions to conflict.  I was especially thinking about my marriage, where if we had two ideas, I often retracted mine. I started wondering what I did with that retracted piece, and realized it that reabsorbing it meant there was less room inside me for me, and so I dwindled - kind of until I disappeared, squashed under the weight of all that unspoken feeling. I wondered what kind of inner conflict that created that I managed to suppress.

Sometimes I wonder how many screams I have stored inside myself.

Helps explain the source of the screams I directed at my kids...

 Tomorrow S#3 will arrive for an overnight.  I think we both have long days to get through.  The next day - on the road!  I'll see you soon.

Love from Clare