duality

Thank you for reminding me who I am. Mom said, more than once,  "We have no idea where we got you."  I never fit the Delana mold well.  But I really wonder if there is a mold.  I think we are all a bunch of outcasts,  sort  of wandering, wondering where we belong.

Having our nephew here has been interesting. He is quiet and cooperative and helpful.  He can make himself scarce, be very unobtrusive, if he senses that he might be in the way.  And he thinks.

Yesterday we were having a discussion of the purpose of our species. I was supporting that the planet would be better without our species. If we disappeared, the Earth would heal, then thrive. He contends that we have purpose - the Earth evolved with us, and we are the shepherds.  I think that being the shepherd gives us too much power.  I always keep in heart what the Haudenosaunee teach - we are here to be grateful an to maintain the celebrations.

But he has planted a seed in my mind. Why are we here?  I believe that there is a loving, conscious force directing the evolution of the planet, solar system, galaxy, universe we can observe...So why are we here.

That has been tying to another train of thought.  I saw some recent photographs that included me, and I had the impression that I was not real.  I was like one of those cliche animated people from a movie.  I'm not sure why...

But I have been thinking about duality  We can't have good without bad, light without dark, life without death.  Is this true?  I was wondering if we could have good without bad.  I was thinking about my belief that humans are good and kind and intelligent.

I thought about some loved ones who have passed over to the other side.  Their deaths were the moments when I stopped and reflected on the gifts they brought to my life and how much I would miss them.  Their deaths gave me pause to consider my life.  To questions myself.  Am I being authentic?  Am I on the right track?  Their lives were made more sacred because they died.

Is the same true with good and bad? Do we treasure good more after bad occurs?   I started thinking about bad.  Bad is an earthquake that destroys homes and maybe kills loved ones.  Bad is a miscarriage or an accident that hurts or kills a child.  Bad is not suppose to be the ongoing rape of most women, the physical, sexual, psychological abuse that grounds our whole society. This is where we went wrong, and why we are not fit shepherds, or even tenants of the planet...

So I am lost in these thoughts.

I miss you and look forward to seeing you next week.

Love and hugs,

Clare