Onionize

Hi Maggie,

Thank you so much for the books.  I'm going crazy, trying to decide where to start.  By the time I got around to packing, which was about 5 am on Saturday, I didn't even think about books.

This may have been one of the first family gatherings where I left sort of looking forward to another.  I talked with S#3 about this on the way home, and she pointed out there were only six of us -  from our generation - and it was only 3 or 4 hours. It was something we could handle.

Being the oldest has really left me very much on the outside. I didn't know most of the old friends and schoolmates discussed.  My class was so far ahead.  And our sister's neighbor's dad pointing out that S#5 was the younger version and I was the older version of the birthday girl didn't help - although I laughed. My favorite moment might have been when the four of us walked in together and everyone seemed to be so surprised because we all look so much alike.  That was fun.

Maybe the process of leaving stuff behind is like pulling the layers off of an onion.  Chose one aspect, one thing that you need to release. Work on it. Let it go. Then start thinking about the next layer.  I was thinking about the way we dress in layers for the cold. It gives us options for how we can protect ourselves and stay warm. Maybe people from abusive families do the same.  We create behaviors, layers of protection, and we choose which we need for the situations we are living through.

I think the hardest part of the process is recognizing, identifying, the protective behavior.

I had a disturbing dream last night. I walked into a room and there were many bird cages, one atop another. Many of the cages were filled with blue parakeets, although I saw other, larger tropical birds stuffed in.  They were dirty and dusty and some were covered with droppings.  Their food and water were filthy.  They looked at me with dead eyes.  I opened a cage, and realized that birds had been breeding and breeding and then breeding some more. I took a few blue birds from a lower cage and started walking, wondering what I was going to do with them.. I let them go in my house.  I just sat there for a minute, overwhelmed, then realized I had to get the rest of them - all that were still alive - because there were many dead birds. I knew that I had no idea what to do with them. but I would begin by freeing them in my house. When I went back, I saw there was dog crap on the floor - I think it was fresh. 

The dead eyes haunt me. And blue is the color of communication/communicating.  I was wondering if this was an ancestral dream, since we are so close to Samhain, when the veils between are thin.

The latter from your son was profound.  That boy is a warrior spirit!

Love and hugs and songs...

Clare

-Looking at some of the photos. Thanking so much for cropping my backside out of the group shot at the table. I had to lean to get my face close, which was not an attractive position...and looking at myself - I need a haircut!!! Not sure what to do, but gray hair and gray face are not the best combination!