gossip?

I talked to S#3 for awhile today, and she mentioned that she was going to call you tonight. I told her you were on your way to Arizona.  I filled her in on what is going on with your youngest.  Then I wondered if I was gossiping.  I try really hard not to gossip, and it didn't feel like gossip.  I hope you don't mind.

Just a thought - Do you perhaps feel like family is disposable, because you were treated as if you were disposable as a child? You were abuse and tormented, ignored, not protected or listened to.  None of us seemed to have much value to the family.  Is that why we walk away with a sigh of relief and come back as infrequently as possible?  How can we learn connection and attachment when we spend our childhood wondering if we have any value whatsoever. And if we have no idea what it means to be attached, how can we model this for our children.

I know I had a bad attitude toward my in-laws. I tried to see them as little as possible- family pattern, and one that I shared with my ex. I felt judged, and like the judgement was not in my favor.  I was tolerated, because it would not have been nice to treat me like they wish they could.  I know I'm being a tad dramatic, and that we all came to a place of truly loving each other - but in the beginning it triggered my family-trained defenses.

Your kids, my kids,the cousins also treat our family the way they do because B#1 was downright nasty.  All of the kids knew he did not like them and did not want to deal with them.  And they didn't call Dad Grumpy for nothing.  He earned that name fair and square with his behavior toward us all. So don't take this all on yourself. You were/are just part of a bigger pattern.

My high school self was just trying to  quietly hide, survive the process and get the hell out of Dodge!

So - family gatherings...are you going to be at S#4's birthday party?  She told her daughters that there had not better be any old pictures of her...So S#3 and I were talking about getting one - because I have lots of old family pictures - and maybe Warholing it.  Besides, the pictures we take now are old pictures, the pictures from way back when are young pictures.  And, we'll be in public - she won't hit us!

Travel safely, my sister,

With love from Clare