different lessons

Hi Mags,

I think you will learn something new this time.You are a different mother with this child. This mother-son bond has different lessons. The lessons are just muddied when we have four extra people dancing in the swamp...and we have relationships with each. Maybe that's part of the lesson of being in a really big family.

I think maybe you are also exploring a relationship between parts of yourself. You had to hide so much of you, maybe your sons are pulling these parts out of hiding and introducing them to you, making you more whole, more complete.  Do you think your teenage self, at the same age as each of these young men, resounds with them?  Is that part of you emerging maybe?  Or maybe the mom part we missed...just thoughts.

Is dealing with boy-problems helping you connect with your husband?  Is he connecting with your sons?  I see a circle, or maybe a web. Sometimes at night I see my family as a circle, with each of my children as a cog.  And sometimes when I hold you and yours in the Light, I see you all as another wheel with cogs, and I see us propelling each other, yet moving together.

I found a photo of the two of us together. I was 18, you were13.  We were holding a cat - do you remember Scamper?  I sat and studies us for quite a while....

I think you do have a valid leading to talk to Dad, but I think way will open when it is time.  You have to trust, but stay aware of the opening.  For me the problem is often lack of courage - and so I wait for a better time...You may have to get through this next set of therapy with your youngest before you are ready to bring your thoughts, your memories, your understandings to Dad. Trust the process, trust the way.

I like letters.  I like to be able to consider and reconsider my words and the message I am truly conveying.  I like to give the person I am writing to the same gift.  But don't be disappointed if you don't get what you hope for.  The last time you tried, Mom responded with the letter saying she was a horrible person, and she didn't blame us if we all hated her.

My ex used this technique.  It was effective for years.  I would try to talk to him about a problem and he would start in on what a terrible husband he was, and I would stop to tell him that I loved him and he was a good husband, and what I needed to say never got said.  One day he started and I stopped, looked at him, and said something to the effect of - When you're ready to stop feeling sorry for yourself, I need to talk.  He never used that technique gain.  I don't think it was a conscious use, but it was effective!

I hope you have a moment to check in before you leave.  If not, I wish you safe journeys.  I will be here, waiting for your news.

I do love you...

Clare