I'm thinking...

Hi Maggie,

It doesn't matter what you say, it only matters what I hear. I know I am beautiful...yeah...but I really don't accept that.  It is not my truth. So you can say it all you want, and I won't argue, but I also don't believe.

I will have to consider what you said about having my friend at our sister's party.  Rather than providing shelter from the family for me, I think this really reflects another of my patterns.  I try to do too much.  I think I can do everything, but in reality - I'm not realistic.

But, may I point out that she attended Mom's birthday party, and I spent time with family, not with her. She was too busy spending time with family.  She gets Mom's weekly news email, and says she knows more about the goings-on in our family than in her own.  I think my motivation was that if she were here and didn't bother to visit me, I would be hurt.  If I am in her city, I want to see her.

Am I rationalizing here?  We are going to be in the city for less than 24 hours.  I want to do everything, see everyone, and not disappoint anyone.  Sigh...

What is the truth I am waiting to tell?  The question brings tears, but I am not sure what the truth is yet. I was thinking about telling a lie, creating a story, then making it real.  Kind of a Velveteen Rabbit approach to creating a life...maybe?

Have the boobs.  If you change your mind, don't have them. It's your body, it's your creation, it's your response to the cancer that invaded uninvited.  Fight back - with curves, if that is what you want.  You can always change your mind.

I think New York recently legalized medical marijuana.  It's the first step toward reversing the prohibition which has caused so much crime.  I hope they release all of the nonviolent offenders in jail for possession.  It just seems the drug law's purpose is to keep the prisons filled. It seems so unjust.

There is another eclipse tomorrow...be prepared!

Love and hugs - in person soon...

Clare