to trust or not to trust...

Clare,

I hope you're having a good weekend. Mine's been pretty good. I had all 4 kids home for dinner last evening- and no one got angry and left the table. That's a miracle. We actually all had a good time, laughing and enjoying each other's company.

I went to Meeting this morning, not many in attendance. Many are at the Climate Summit demonstration in NY. Many spoke about fossil fuels and our dependence this morning, others spoke about the little things that are changing. One woman spoke of the bluffs in NE Iowa which are being destroyed because they are composed of a slippery type sand that works especially well for fracking- so they're being dug up and transported- we are so short sighted.

I have to do opening exercises next week at Meeting on an environmental topic- I hope that I can put something coherent together.

My older son just left, driving back to S#5's house. He will turn 18 on Thursday and enroll in school. Then he will truly be settled in there. He came home this week on Thursday evening to go to a dentist appointment on Friday. He spent most of the weekend with two friends. I am honestly having to make myself let him go. I am afraid that others will influence him and he'll start using drugs again.
I promised him trust in Arizona.
And yet I find myself watching him, looking for signs of drug use.
So far I haven't seen anything- I am thankful.
But, am I wrong to be vigilant?
Does that make me untrusting?
Does that make me wise?
He came home one day smelling of cigarettes and I asked him about it- he said it was others smoking.
I want to believe him…
I want to believe that he'll never use again…
but I am realistic…
I just want to be able to fully trust.

I am tired.
I feel as if I need to do a cleanse.
When I get chronically tired like this that usually helps.
I am afraid of mixing herbal cleanses with the tamoxifen…
any suggestions?
I may go and ask the owner of the local health food store…
she has a naturopathic degree…
but any advice would be appreciated.

Love and Light,
Maggie