Yeah, Maggie, I understand. Sugar is sneaky-addictive. I can't have any at all. One bite of sugar triggers a binge. Since I haven't been eating sugar, I have begun to notice that white flour can sneak up on me and I end up eating another slice of pizza or two without thought, but also without hunger. So I think that will be next to go.
I have read that we may be Vitamin B deficient or magnesium deficient when we crave chocolate. But for me, it comes down to numbness. If I am having a hard time with life, or feeling low or sad or on the outside, I want chocolate - especially ice cream - but candy will do. I just don't want to feel anything at all any more.
Advice - maybe some guided meditation. Imagine, while deeply relaxed, that you are expanded, that you can breathe deeply. And, yes you can get nettles at the health food store. I usually get it as tea, because it is my daily habit to drink tea. But you can also get it as a capsule.
If I had extra money, I would buy the book Pronoia and gift it to you. The book was written by Rob Brezsny, and it is profound and fun. Pronoia is the opposite of paranoia - it is that sneaking suspicion that the universe is out to help you. After I read the book, I wanted to buy ten or twenty copies and give them out for Christmas!
So I had a very crazy dream last night. It seemed to last forever, and I can't quite decide what issue I am working on. I was in the farmhouse, where we lived when my children were young. I was sleeping, and woke up in the dark because one of my students was in bed with me. One of my little kids was there too. I was talking to my student and asked him to wait a minute, I needed to get a notebook so I could note grammar mistakes. When I came back, he was taking off his white union suit. I asked what he was doing, and he said as long as we were here...So I proceeded to talk about all my past work and none of it included sex. He sort of disappeared and I was looking for notebooks. I couldn't find any, then when I would find one with a little bit of room, it would disappear. I went downstairs and Mom was decorating the ugliest Christmas tree I had ever seen. And she had moved furniture to make room for the tree, so I could not find my computer or my office. Every time I checked the clock it was 15 minutes later and I was missing more and more work. I was becoming increasingly irate and frightened for my job. Then, the library lady came in and told me that when I stepped on the potato peeler at the library, my heel damaged their floors. I found my tiny computer, dropped it, broke it and bent it up. When I woke up I was very upset, very emotional.
Have fun with that!
I am falling behind with my course, and may end up dropping it. That frustrates me very much...
I love you, I hope you sleep well and deeply. I will hold you in the Light.
Clare
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