welcome back!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vISnZpUBBkQ

It is so good to see/hear/note so much joy and enthusiasm in your report.  I hope your whole family takes this joy and holds it deep in your hearts and remembers it forever.

The youtube clip above is a favorite by a favorite performer.  I could not find a better version of the song, Wild Javelina, so I hope you can relax and listen to the long version.

I wonder if the desert is sacred because humans can't get there and desacredize it. It is what we seem to do best. We see a beautiful forest, and start cutting down the trees....sort of what we do to each other, too.

I have read, repeatedly, that when one child is acting out, when they take on the role of the bad one, they are acting for the whole family.  It almost seems like the medieval scapegoat, a holy but maligned position in society.  And it's so easy for the family to blame the bad one and feel righteous.  But it's a sacrament to lift the role, the reputation and share that mantle.

As I read your post, I remembered Dad's, "You damned kids.  It's all your fault."  I know I believed it. No, I believe it - present tense!  I wonder how many of the rest of the sibs believed too.  I never acted out. I think the boys took that on - each of them in turn, but especially B#2.

What if Dad had accepted some of the responsibility for the way our family functioned?

I have said that one person's healing heals us all.  I feel so much happiness for you right now, but it's also pushing me back to when we were little, and I'm reevaluating it somewhat. And my perspective will have to change. Your healing leads to healing.

Thank you for your courage.

I am looking forward to the rest of your story...

Love from Clare