naked

Hi Honey,

You are most likely on your way to Sedona. I wish you safe travels. I look forward to hearing about your experiences.  I am holding you and your kids in the Light. 

I think, for you, music and singing are a spiritual practice.  It's good that you are getting these messages, and noticing these messages.  Keep singing, keep channeling music.  I think this all started when you noted the unfinished song about your older son.  Write the rest of it!

While I was visiting the kids, my daughter-in-law asked me if I wanted to go to a women's night at the local hot springs.  It was a nude event...all my Catholic shit fired up.  I sent you and email asking your advice, and you told me to "Go for it."

I went for it.

It was hard.  But I undressed, wrapped in a towel, walked to the hot springs, dropped the towel - well, I hung it up, and walked into the water.  I simply turned my mind off.

I noticed other women's bodies, but didn't really pay much attention. I can't explain it exactly. I wasn't really interested in anyone else's perfection or lack of.  I feel like I'm digging myself in deeper.  Maybe, if I didn't judge, didn't notice - I was hoping no one would judge me.

But I was fighting the shame.  S'ter was in my ear, appalled.  And I do feel shame.  I had a friend once, who went water skiing nude on a river.  I thought then that some of us are free-spirits, and some of us are simply modest.  Now I think maybe some of us are simply nuts - he hurt certain body parts when he wiped out at the end of the ride, and the rest of us are ashamed.

"You ought to be ashamed of yourself."  How many times have we heard that?  Too many to count!

So I faced my shame as I got out of the water, and climbed in a pool, as I walked to the steam room.

I did feel a little betrayed when I saw the few women in my age/weight class wore swimsuits.  But I faced my demons.

I did it.

I have days when I am starting to feel old, I'm starting to associate with the crone.  But maybe I can step back a bit, especially if I keep challenging myself...

Have a wonderful week. Know I love you.

Clare