Postpartum depression

Clare,

I think I have postpartum depression.

Last week I was so elated and full of life…
except the vomiting and stuff of course.
This week life has slipped back into it's usual routine. And I feel sad and lack the energy to even go for a walk. At first I thought it was a reflection of the clients I was seeing…
very heavy stuff this week…
but, I think it's more.

I've promised trust to my son…
and yet when he goes out with friends I worry about his choices…
he went out with 2 friends yesterday who he identified as concerning for his forward walking…
and yet he reassured me that he can handle it.
The sobriety is so easily lost.
I believe that he truly values it…
but I am uncertain.
He spent 7 weeks with minimal sugar and fat, high fiber, daily exercise and all of the sunshine possible. Since his return he's been eating junk, listening to music, watching TV, not exercising, and hanging out with friends. It's too much on the body to go from one extreme to the other.
I keep telling myself…
it's been 9 weeks since he's been able to really relax and enjoy…
but there's a part that wants to sweep him away from the negative influences…
which we are doing…
he's going to S#5's on Sunday.
I understand that there will be negative influences there…
they are ubiquitous…
but, he can make conscious choices about who he hangs out with…
it won't be habitual.

My younger son is also still struggling with the transitions.
He regularly curses husband and I out when he doesn't get his way. At vulnerable moments he says he can't understand the mood swings, but refuses counseling when it's offered. He thinks smoking pot is the answer to helping him to relax…That's what he told us last night…give me more money and pot and I'll be happy and easy to get along with. He's a master at emotional blackmail…luckily I've seen through his attempts and know he's bluffing. But it doesn't make any of the time with him easier.
I've thought about making him a 7 day border and not bringing him home for the weekends- but that's not the answer, that would be the easy way out.

Anyway, I've complained enough for one morning. I am holding these two boys/men in the Light, asking for powers greater than mine to guide them. And am maintaining my Heart at Peace- seeing the greatness in each even when times get tough. Any advice or thoughts would be welcomed.

Love and Light,
Maggie