Time to Play

You are correct...No one, or shall I say no being is expendable.

We walked yesterday...
and I was sharing the readings I've been doing with husband.
He is reading a book about Adult Children of Alcoholics and is saddened by the recollections in the book...and I can match them one for one...
not that it's a competition...it just is the way our lives were.
I told him about the abuse/abandonment insights and he couldn't believe the stories about the way our pets were treated and disposed of. I said to him...I can't believe that we disposed of Tinea instead of neutering her...the responsible thing to do.
Now, I keep animals no one else wants...
when I am face to face with a person asking me to care for an unwanted animal I say yes...immediately.
I have always loved the unloved.
I have wanted to care for beings who could offer me nothing besides their love...
their gratitude...their acceptance.

The mirror musings are interesting.
I have mirrors and feel as if I am too wrapped up in my outward appearance.
I don't wear alot of makeup...but I want my hair and face to look nice.
I noticed that in my recent pictures I have developed small wrinkles around my eyes...
I had to laugh because my near vision has deteriorated so that I can't see them without my glasses on...and I don't use my glasses when I look into the mirror.
Why does this bother me?
I am not sure, I know that I am 50.
I know that I am aging normally.
But I think that change is hard, no matter what kind of change we go through.
I can't imagine how freeing it must be to not care what the mirror says...to walk out of the door without scrutinizing my face, my figure, all of it. I think that it shows a great deal of confidence on your part.
I also believe that you do alot of self inquiry and self exploration...
who needs the superficial when you can go deep.

I had a short conversation with Mom and Dad this morning...
She gathered the courage to ask me "how are you doing...you know with all of the emotional things?"
At least she tried...
I really can't figure out what relationship I want with the parents or any of the siblings at this point.
I know that I can't go back to occasional gatherings...
pretending to be a close knit family...
but am I ready to say to hell with it?
Is there a happy medium?
How do I negotiate that?
I can't even decide if I want to negotiate that.
Life isn't any less without their contact...it isn't really any different...they didn't reach out before...
except part of me knows the silence is discomfort instead of the usual complacency.

I mentioned my "reconnect" meditation message to my wise friend...
she felt it was time for me to reconnect with myself...
with that little girl locked away inside...because she knew and felt too much.
Her advice was to play...
to start to enjoy life and take it a little less seriously...
I will try.

Thanks for being my family...
Maggie