Good morning Maggie,
I hope you had/are having a safe flight home. I hope you readjust to all the time changes quickly! I am looking forward to seeing you here again.
I have been taking care of my grandchildren during the day. My granddaughter is almost four months old. Taking care of her, while exploring our past has been pertinent for me. I don't know what happened to me as an infant, just as she won't remember what is happening to her right now. We are absolutely at the mercy of our caregivers and of circumstances.
Yesterday, Monday, was a trying day for both of us...for all three of us. On the weekends, the little girl is relaxed and happy because Mama is always available. On Monday, Mama has to go to work and suddenly our little one is faced with a rubber nipple - a poor substitute for Mama. She cried for a long time...calling her Mama, demanding her Mama. She had to give up and accept the breastmilk in a bottle when hunger became too strong. We are relieved, and say she is adjusting. I think she is giving up and surrendering to the violation. She knows exactly what she needs, and we won't give it to her. It is so hard for me to deal with her screaming, because I know the solution is so simple. And her big brother really has little interaction while I try to soothe.
When she was screaming yesterday, I became so angry at the violence of our government. It is draconian to force a woman to go back to work when her child is 6 weeks old. The mother is barely healed, this is a vital time in establishing a successful breastfeeding relationship, and babies that young need their mothers. They don't need a good caregiver, they need their mother. But in this country, we know those in power have no concern. You can be homeless and it only affects statistics. You can be homeless with a baby, and oh, well...There is no assistance to preserve the mother-child bond. It is the utmost violence.
This little girl knows exactly what she needs and is not afraid to scream for it. How did we lose that? Probably the same way she will. No one answers and we give up and accept the way it is.
Sometimes I say I chose poverty in my life. I stayed with my kids, homeschooling them. I worked part-time at a job I could do at home. We made it. But look at me now. I have months where I am forced to decide between electricity and groceries. I am being punished for not developing a career and spending my life supporting the system. I know so many mothers who long to make the same choices - to be with their families, but this system will not allow it. I get so angry!
As I have been considering what is happening with this baby, coincidentally I found an article about the current violence of birthing procedures. Babies are not supposed to be dragged out of the womb screaming. Their cries are from distress. Then the authors traced violence in the womb and at birth to changes in the personality. Violence affects who we are, who we become, the ways we will react and behave.
I have been thinking a lot about violence. I see the violence toward babies and families, but in the womb? It cuts deep, but I see it. And I am left bleeding, wondering what happened to us,...again, I am wondering what happened to us...
http://birthpsychology.com/free-article/what-babies-are-teaching-us-about-violence
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