The roles we play

I will post again...
an interesting and pertinent observation from the book that I am reading, Changing Course: Healing from Abandonment, Loss and Fear by Claudia Black.
She talks about the roles that people assume when growing up in a dysfunctional home.
They are the Responsible child, the Adjuster, the Placater, and the Acting Out Child.
Each role has benefits and deficits...

The responsible child is organized and a good leader, a perfectionist, able to initiate activity, is goal oriented on a positive note...but is also unable to listen, to follow, to play, to relax, is inflexible, always needs to be right, and in control, fears making mistakes, and lacks spontaneity...

The adjuster is flexible, able to easily follow others, is easy going, not easily upset by negative situations, doesn't question...but is unable to initiate activity, afraid to make decisons, lacks direction and cannot see options.

The placater is caring, empathic, a good listener, is sensitive to others, is warm and gives of themselves to others...but is unable to receive caring from others, unable to focus on themself, is afraid of anger, and tolerates inappropriate behavior.

The acting out child experiences their feelings, has a degree of honesty and less denial than others, is creative with a sense of humor and can lead others (in the wrong direction)...but inappropriately expresses anger cannot follow directions, is intrusive, and experiences social troubles due to inappropriate behaviors.

So I am thinking about these in context to myself...I am definately the responsible child. I was thinking about the rest of our family and can see each sibling falling into these catagories. I will not share my opinions, because we originally decided that this was about us and we would talk about ourselves.
I think that what I find most interesting and freeing in all of this is that although we are not normal...we are in no way unique.
I always wondered and worried that there was no one else in the world who could understand and identify with my life experiences and now I see that I have coped and reacted in ways that are quite universal, expected, accepted.
That makes me feel more acceptable, the Me Too experience.
But, being one of many is so incredibly sad...if these patterns are so well established and recognized, why does it continue to happen?
Does it serve a purpose in the grand scheme of humanity?
Or is it that we humans are too stupid to see the elephant in the room?

Last night this book also started talking about how to negotiate within a dysfunctional family once you have started the road to healing and recovery. It was what I needed to read at the right time...thank you universe. The jist of it was that we can interact as long as we know and set the boundaries...timing and length of the visit, subjects discussed, etc. It gave me more to think about.

Just thinking again...
Love and Light,
Maggie