Clare,

I have missed you.
I was reading your posts and was smiling and crying.
Thank you for the kindness that you showed those travelers on the bus...
they will never forget you and those acts...
and maybe, just maybe, they will offer others similar kindnesses.

Thank you for discussing the 'grooming' that goes on in dysfunctional homes and the sad fact that we women are prepared for our future lives by such an early age.
We deserve so much more...
We have so much potential...
We are taught to expect less than enough...
because we are taught that we are not enough.

I AM ENOUGH...
I am strong...
I am beautiful...
I am intelligent...
I am loving and compassionate...
I am talented...
I am gifted...
I am MORE than enough.

This past weekend I found myself repeatedly face to face with two of my heroines...
Jeanne D'Arc and Mary Magdalene.
They are immortalized in sculpture and paintings everywhere.
I have loved and admired both for as long as I can remember.
They were both strong, independent and brilliant.
They both spoke their truths for others to hear, despite the consequences.
They both said Me Too...

When I allow myself to become consumed by activity...
my addiction to busy-ness...
I remind myself of Martha complaining to Jesus that Mary wasn't helping...
Jesus said directly that Mary has chosen the better path...
she chose to sit with wisdom and greatness and to be with people...
she interacted with the group, was part of the discussion, while Martha stayed on the fringe and watched as she cooked and cleaned.
Martha allowed herself to be separate...
Mary joined in.
I am thinking that your reaching out to fellow travelers was a way of joining in...
you could have remained separate and aloof...but you chose to interact.
And now you are with your family and you are interacting...
not just helping with the cooking, cleaning and child care...
you are sitting with them, sharing yourself with them and truly loving them for who they are...
and the beauty of that is that they will trust you to show themselves...
warts and blemishes and all.

When I think of Jeanne D'Arc...I think of a teenage girl...probably raised...or groomed to marry...
and yet she had a vision...
and she trusted her Heart's Voice...
enough to leave home and go to war...
(I have never been comfortable about the fact that she led a war...
I have always felt that God would direct towards peace)
but in the end,
despite betrayal and being burned to death,
she still trusted that voice and her goals.
I admit, that I have lived with a Jeanne D'Arc complex...
I would save everyone at my own expense...
at least I did until we started working through all of this family history.
I believe that I have come to realize that I can only change myself...
my own perceptions...my own reactions and beliefs...
I can not affect change in others...they have to do their own work...
In the end what we labor for has more value and meaning than what is given to us.
Being shunned by the family because of speaking my truths has been alot less dramatic than being burned to death...but it is a death of sorts.
But I must say, as I have said previously; I have never regretted my actions when they flow from my Heart's Voice.

When you spoke of being afraid of heights...
I seem to remembered Dad once saying that it was less a fear of heights and more a fear that he would jump off...
random memories must mean something.

It is good to be back...
Until tomorrow,
Maggie