I love it when the universe provides immediately. You mentioned negotiating through the family in your first post, then had the answer in the second post. Nice!
The roles you listed are thought provoking. I don't think I am just one. I don't know why. It seems logical that as the oldest of the brood, I should be the absolutely responsible one. And I am. I seldom relax. I always have my list of things I must do before I allow myself to do the pleasurable things I would really like to do. And as a result, I rarely do the relaxing things. And if someone interrupts with a request, I will stop whatever I am doing, and help. This is both good and bad. But I see myself more in the placater. Maybe that's evolution, because I know that in our family of origin, I am the bossy one - is that responsible? I was sick once, and Mom and Dad were at my house. I was trying to tell Mom what the kids expected, to describe our routine. I heard Dad ask what I wanted, and Mom said, "Oh, she's just being bossy again." Made me feel ashamed of needing their help.
I do think I am a bizarre blend of can't listen/extremely opinionated with empathic listener who would give all the time in the world to someone. Maybe that is part of the schizophrenic way we were raised. Looking back, being good and cute and funny one day, then being a hated burden the next - Dad's reactions to the exact same behaviors - may have been the most destructive part of our daily life. And unfortunately, I repeated the pattern. I lost it with my kids and they couldn't understand or control it.
I don't act out. I have never acted out. I wish I was that kid...I think!
Our reading seems to be complementary. Last night I read about an experiment where dogs were shocked if standing on the right side of their kennel. They learned to stand on the left. When the shock was moved to the left, they switched sides. But when all of the floor delivered random shocks, the dogs submitted and endured. When the doors were opened, they did not escape. They suffered. I feel like this explains us.
It explains why we allowed Dad to bully family friends and family members. It explains why we don't live the vibrant life we are capable of, worthy of, entitled to. This experiment describes the evolution of the martyr. Unfortunately the violence in our culture is so pervasive it is invisible. We just accept thjat this is the way thing are. Even more, we think that other people in the world dream of being like us. We are delusional.
Not only did I endure this experiment and end up properly conditioned, I subjected my beloved children to the same. And the pattern continues...
(Typed one handed with a stuffy baby sleeping on my shoulder. Supermom lives!!!!)
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