Presence

It's not really brave to walk out the door not caring what one looks like.  It's a sign of being detached from self - of not really being there, of being out of body.  I am trying to get back in my body where I belong.  I want to pull me on like a long forgotten, very comfy pair of pajamas, and really feel like I am of the Earth.

Just an idea, but...Okay, so perhaps we don't pretend we are a close knit family.  Perhaps we are simply meeting with a group of colleagues we work with on rare occasions.  We say hi, see how everyone is, then get back to work  I will have to think about this.  Usually, when I am with family, I am withdrawn, feeling like the family loser who never quite gets it right.  That probably relates to not being in my body, so I'm never quite all here!  Obviously we can't have it all with our family, so why say All or None and lose it completely?

I love the idea of playing.  I have been playing with my grandson who is delightfully imaginative.  I do the same at home.  We can turn anything into a game - when I have the little ones with me.  How else would I like to play?  I think I would like to play violin, but I have to get mine repaired.  I will play with the word play today!

This weekend, my daughter-in-law and the baby and I took a walk in a beautiful park.  When we came onto the grounds, we met a man who creates art from wood and stone.  He had some pieces displayed, and had made a circle of mulch around it, creating a sort of altar.  He was inviting people to write messages and place them in the sacred space.We stopped to read the notes and to talk to the artist.  He had a gentle voice, and calm demeanor.  He commented on the notes, and said he would like to sell a few of pieces, because he would like to take the display to other cities.  His list of cities grew and included Budapest, then...He was absolutely vulnerable.  But what I increasingly noticed was a pull.  It seemed as if his heart was so complete and healthy, we could draw people into his calm.  I started wondering if gravity is simply love.

So here was a modern day saint.  He was being publicly vulnerable, showing his art, sharing his dreams with anyone who came to a public park on a summer afternoon.  He drew people to a warm and comfortable, comforting place, then sent them, a little healthier, on their way into the world. 

So how do I develop that presence. the deep, welcoming, loving presence?  I guess, first I have to stop retiring and defining myself as the loser of the family...

So, you know I love you, right?????

Clarely Helwig and Wynnful

(The artist has saved every note in a lartge notebook.  He is sure that when he gets to Budapest, or Turkey, the messages will be the same.  Me, too!

My message:  May we all become whole-hearted.  He made me think my heart could be/would be healed or reasembled.)