endings

Hey Sister,

Hope  you had fun on the island. I hope you had a chance to breathe and watch sunsets and walk in the sand.

Life has been much the same here.  My friend who visited this summer and I have had a total breach, I think.  He decided I am abusive, sadistic, a pathological mom, I drove Dad and my ex away because I am so bad, and my closest friend doesn't really like me, she just sees me as a therapy case.  His cruelty has escalated because I would not get him the contact info for a woman he found attractive. I can't tell if he has hurt me or not, because I know he is way off base. And I feel exceedingly nothing.  But all that abuse has to be doing something to me.

I tried to call him on his cruelty and he told me I am a hypocrite.  And so I am done.  I don't need this drama in my life.

I feel good about my boundaries, and I feel extremely uninterested in making him like me.

But it has been hard.

I had a moment, though, where I was sitting at a table with him and a few others...in my imagination.  I guess we were between lives, and talking about our lessons from this life.  And he and I were laughing, as I congratulated him on how well he played mean during this lesson.  I was reminded again that we are playing roles, and learning our lessons.

I had a "dream" last night where a large man was behind me and tried to pull me inside his body.  That sounds strange. It was strange.  It was like he picked me up against his rib cage and popped me inside.  I popped myself back out, turned around and looked at him, and said, "That's not the way this is going to work.  We are going to dance."

And we did...not well at all...but we danced.

So what's up with you?

Love and hugs from Clare