I was sort of trying to figure out the ways people respond before therapy - those coping mechanisms that help us survive but not thrive. I think we try to control or we let the currents control where we float. Therapy, of course, changes everything.
I had another walking thought I wanted to try to make sense of. When I was in the thick of marriage, my closest friend from college and I used to talk a lot. Neither of us had a healthy marriage. We used to talk at great length, discussing their childhood traumas, speculating on how that pain motivated their pain-causing behaviors...just trying to understand. Then I saw a quote that basically said we could talk forever and have the best analyzed neurotic on the block, but it would not change anything.
For some reason, as I was walking, that came to me. It came again today as I was talking to someone about martyrdom. I sort of realized I analyze others, but immediately condemn self. I got the message that we need to reverse the Golden Rule...at least for people like me. Rather than - Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, perhaps I need to remember to - Do unto myself as I do unto others. Treat myself kindly and with patience and acceptance.
Form your days' descriptions, it sounded like you were making and traveling a big old medicine wheel.
Picked cherries with the baby this evening. We got home and she asked for some. I gave her half a dozen in a little dish. They are now somewhere in my office...
Love and hugs from Clare
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