enoughs

again, i'm one-fingered typing while holding a sleeping toddler.  i realized today that she is a bit of a worry-wart.  she always needs to be close and to know exactly what is happening.  i know if i put her down. there's an 85% chance she will come and find me.  then we start over with the singing and reading.  

tonight she would not stop talking.  i finally put her down and told her i would pick her back up when she was done...and now, silence!

i moved her wading pool close to the garden fence where i am trying to work.  that sort of helped.  we saw a daddy-long-legger, and got jumped on by the cutest little jumping spider twice, and found a tiny little garden spider.  i think i need to reflect on spider's message.  we also saw a dragonfly, a snail with a gilded shell and a big ol' garter snake.  life is interesting at a two-year-old's level.

some how safe enough feels different than the other enoughs. safe enough always seemed to be out of my control.  smart enough, pretty enough - that seems to come from within. of course my self-perspective was skewed by dad's hatefulness, but it seems fixable. i can readjust my point of view or my personal expectations.

but safe enough...can we create safe enough?  i try to create safe space around me - so people feel welcomed and respected.  i try to listen, to be open and nonjudgmental. i try to keep my home even, or even happy.  but that doesn't create safe space for me.

i will have to think more about this.

i like the perspective you got from rereading your journal.  'twas just a little gift from the universe.

i have the babe again tomorrow, so i'll probably be back, typing with one finger!

love and hugs from clare