the hallway

Hey Maggie,

I have read that our bodies are actually conglomerates of bacteria.  Perhaps that intelligence is deep within us. That gives me hope.

You have a lot of celebrating ahead. Two graduations, one prom. Don't forget to bask in the joy!

I know you are tired of the subject - but in reality, we don't have to prove we have never abused a child. We just have to prove we have never been caught. That is what frightens me most.  People who abuse or molest are often sly and intelligent and experts at covering tracks. They learned from the adults who hurt and threatened them.  I just don't trust the approach we are taking.  That said, the best thing you can do is listen to those who are in pain because of what the institution is forcing us to do in the name of protecting children.

As I mentioned, we had a workshop where the adults present were forced to sign a paper promising not to abuse any of the kids.  It came out in a discussion, the kids, all teens, were present.The pain in the room was almost unbearable. I remember listening with tears running down my cheeks.  All of the adults, but one, had been abused when young. And the warrior in them led them to work with and protect kids.  After the tears and the words and the sharing, though, the pain was less. And we knew we had to find another way, an authentic way, to protect our youth.

This is very hard work. I honor you for doing it.

So, are you really all right? What did you say to the older woman?

Whenever I begin to hit depression, I begin to get the feeling of being in a long, dim hallway. I am feeling that now.  It seems like life goes forward forever with no light, no options, nothing new or different - I'm just tiredly trudging forward.  And I'm exhausted.  And I have no energy.  I was feeling that this afternoon, when my daughter dropped off the babe. I finally took her outside to help me move flowers.  I am changing the garden out front - taming the daylilies and adding some other colors.  I always forget how much I need to go outside...

Maybe the hardest part of sliding into depression is that we don't know how to take care of ourselves.

S#3 will be here with her brood this weekend.  No time for getting trapped in my hallway...

Love and hugs,

Clare