gloom and doomy day

Hi Maggie,

I had a long night. My youngest had a medical check yesterday, and was given permission to sleep without the brace.  She can also spend some time each day without it, and it has been set at a 45 degree angle.  So she is feeling some relief.  So she asked if I could keep the baby overnight. She wanted to really sleep for the first time in a month.

The baby hasn't been spending the night here much lately, and so she was not happy, and really missed her Mama.  But also, the babe seems to be in a growth spurt - she was really hungry at 4 am, and there was no boob-juice as she calls it. So I had to figure out what the problem was and solve it.  And she is getting her two year molars - in as slow-motion as seems humanly possible.

So life with her - it made for a long night.

And I was on the phone in the middle of the night with my daughter-in-law, then my son.  I wish I was there.  It is so hard to tell what is going on, so all I can do is listen and remind them each that I really love them.  I listen to each, and I am always well-aware that the truth is subjective, and somewhere between...

I miss them. I love them. I feel responsible.  I feel like I understand at least some of it - because it is family patterns.  This is where I witness first hand the - probable - genetic changes caused in them by trauma from our grandparents, parents, us...it seems as if the changes must build, increase exponentially as they pour on us from an increasing number of damaged generations.

We're so screwed...(a lack of sleep leads to a pessimistic Clare.)

Maybe it is something bigger, being mirrored in my family.  I am feeling so overwhelmed by the drought restrictions in the west, leading to awareness of the amount of water being systematically poisoned by fracking, and then thinking about this addictive compulsion to extract every drop of oil from the planet no matter what the damage.  I feel lost. I feel like I can't do anything to help. I feel we are all lost, overcome by the addictive mindset...although I think it might be a pathological greed on the part of the elite few who don't seem to understand they are destroying themselves too.

Are we acting out this destruction on a personal level?  Or does personal drama keep us from experiencing the deep pain of feeling what is happening to the Earth? Or is our parallel pain supposed to sensitize us, wake us up, give us that something we need to stand up and say no more?

I watched a video that is going viral this morning. A middle-aged, self-professed redneck who admits to being a former racist talks about the changes, opening our eyes and seeing racism, speaking up when we see it.  He says all problems come from indifference.  It gives me hope because his words demonstrate that humans are awakening. But will we regain our awareness and our humanity in time?

Or will we continue to flounder in the pain pouring on us from our ancestral traumas which lead to and blend with our current traumas and what we are doing to ourselves and each other in order to numb. Or maybe to discharge the pain building inside us?...In order to just not feel the pain any more.

My eldest is coming over so we can work together this afternoon. I have to restore order to my house...Then my grandson will come for an overnight. I almost never get time with him alone.  I am looking forward to it.

I hope all is well with you...It came to me that your recent severing may have been through the orange chakra.  Does that sound right?  It may be something to consider...which sacramant does that represent?

Love and hugs,

Clare