survive

To answer your first question, the split was recent. As of mid-winter I was "together". But, there's a lot of distrust in my house right now. I can feel the stress. We have a clam surface, but eruptions of anger. The biggest source of stress, for me, is the lying. The boys would rather lie than face the truth and just own it. The youngest one accuses me of being crazy because I smell pot or cigarettes…"you have no proof" he tells me. I want to leave sometimes because it feels so tense here…but that's not a solution. So I keep working with them, trying to listen to what they are telling me in those moments when things are calm.

I wonder how long this world will survive…
We are destroying it a breakneck speed…
and trying to push blame unto others…
or deny it.
I saw a post this week about people not caring about climate change when it "threatened polar bears with extinction" but who are furious because of water rationing. We are self-centered assholes.
Sometimes I wonder if a few people will survive to re-colonize…and if they will have learned the lessons of interdependence…or if another species will emerge dominant.
I saw a post about surviving cancer today….it occurred to me that cancer is incredibly good at survival…it is adaptable, tenacious, easily relocates to different environments…it is truly survival of the fittest at work in some bodies. Having cancer isn't about survival…it's about learning to live life with that challenge and thriving. It is about living and loving the body and world you are in. It's about big lessons. Cancer changes everything- mostly for the better.

I ordered a cleanse to get me jump-started…
I need to get a handle on my eating and health.
This is so not me.

Love and Light until tomorrow,
Maggie