contentment

Clare,

I am tired of everything…
I'm just tired, I guess.
I didn't sleep well…
I had caffeine to combat a headache and then it stormed…
very loudly…
last night.
I even checked my phone to see if we were in a tornado watch…
hail, high winds, pounding rain…
and a cat between my legs.
I was restless to say the least.

My reiki healer told me I am like spaghetti right now…
everything is tangled up.
She put me back together…
again.
My youngest saw her after I did…
he was/is much calmer after their session.
We talked about a lot of things on the way home.
He is so confused and conflicted right now.
He described a lot of self-hatred for upsetting his dad and I.
We talked a lot about what happiness is…
and what it isn't.
His expectation of happiness is the highest peaks…
all the time.
I tried to show him that happiness is the middle space, between the peaks and valleys of emotions…
more like contentment.
He tried to understand…
but I don't think he's ready to give up that constant pursuit of excitement.
Perhaps he heard some of my message.

My girls have asked to use the NC house the week after graduation…
just the 2 of them.
It's funny, I didn't expect this. They've never enjoyed spending time together. This is a pleasant twist of events. I am interested to see what they do together.

I have a meeting tonight too. I wish I could stay home, but I missed the past 2 meetings, so I've got to go. I have to keep my head down and not volunteer for anything.
I'm giving a talk after meeting on Sunday about the new child abuse recognition and reporting rules in our state. I really wish that I didn't have to do this…I understand people are upset because they will have to get clearances to teach first day school…and they feel it's intrusive. I started to work on organizing it today…it's a lot, but I'll cut it way down to bare bones and get it together.
At least I'll be speaking out against violence towards our children…that's important.

Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie